Is your heart given? Is yours?
Women, in particular, is looking for compromise. Hollywood, the media and sites dating websites focus on getting a marriage proposal. The art of seduction expert predates Cleopatra. Dozens of books have been written about how to get a man not available to say: "I do." For six years, Carrie Bradshaw of "Sex and the City" Mr. Big tried to commit.
But Is there a commitment from the heart? One thing is to get married, it's another to have a deep emotional connection. Both men and women often create obstacles to achieving the love you want. You can avoid intimacy with the time spent at work, watch television, participate in hobbies or sports. Addiction by either spouse intimacy blocks. Women complain of their husbands spend too much time on the computer or watching sports. However, women can spend time cleaning, volunteering, or criticize their husbands or boyfriends, or be too emotionally involved with their children. To be clear, I'm not talking about the demands of raising young children or the need to work two jobs to pay the bills. Stress makes intimacy difficult, but not necessarily eliminate it, unless it be an excuse.
Fear of intimacy may appear in the bedroom. A man complained about the coldness of his wife. He had an affair, only to discover that it was now helpless with his newfound lover. How to build walls, lack of communication usually eventually affect sexual intimacy.
It is not uncommon that one spouse is unaware married with another person. In a marriage, the husband's heart is still committed to his deceased wife. It was as if her ghost stayed between them. In another, the cuckolded husband, but it was not the lovers who had stolen her heart – that was his mother! In another case, the husband was unfaithful, but the real cause of their marital problems lay in marriage emotional wife to his brother, who died when she was a child. Sometimes it happens with twins who are so close that no one else can share that intimacy. Also can be a problem in step families. A single mother who found fault with every boyfriend, but she was not ready for romance. She was not aware of their participation over with his son was the problem. Similarly, in a marriage one of the parents can avoid intimacy by using a child of the opposite sex as an emotional substitute. In these cases the partner is not available is unaware of his contribution to the very civil issue you complain and think it's because of your partner. They often have to mourn and let go they can open to your spouse.
People rarely think they get the love we seek could be a problem. Connie finally surpassed its pattern of consumers love, and Mark found a kind and gentle man. Loved proved more frightening to Connie that family abuse. All his life and his personality had built around the belief that she was unlovable. She was certain that Mark would expose the "truth" in it he imagined was wrong. Marcos was their own self-esteem problems, and before Connie, who had always gone overweight women, which eventually lost interest in sex. Connie was concerned that out. Share your fears, not only helped them heal their wounds, but moved closer to a commitment of heart.
What makes intimacy so difficult? It requires vulnerability – Opening risk. Everyone has been hurt before, and I mean everyone. From childhood, people are hurt by parents well-intentioned, by friends, teachers and lovers, and losses for death, illness, rejection, and divorce. Animals, including humans, are programmed to avoid pain. It is hard-wired in your brain to survive. Requires awareness, intention, and the courage to feel everything that may arise once the heart is open. If you've been hurt before, nobody wants to reopen an old wound. Open your heart to love will open those wounds. But it's also a chance to heal seal rather than back.
Copyright © 2010 Lancer Darlene
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About the Author
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and life coach with a broad range of experience, working with individuals and couples for over twenty-four years. Her focus is on helping individuals overcome obstacles to leading fuller lives, and helping couples enhance their communication, intimacy, and passion. She is a speaker, freelance writer, and maintains private practice in Santa Monica, CA. Call for a Free Introductory consultation. 310.458.0016 http://www.darlenelancer.com.
Rainbow Family National Gathering 2006
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